Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
