Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Less talking, more tequila
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
