drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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