angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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