Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
