i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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