I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
