I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
