You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
