So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
