we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
