Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
