well you can't waste a boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
