Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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