Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The Olympian is in my bed
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