It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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