i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
