why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
