On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
