Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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