Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
