And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
