On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
