You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we're making bets on your personal life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
