Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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