The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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