So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
