Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
