3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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