Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
kristin has been a bad kristin
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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