Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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