i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
