I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
