this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just pee around me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
