No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
