pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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