adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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