I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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