I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
