How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
