At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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