as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
