yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
