There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
