haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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