If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
