We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
