you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
