i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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