He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
