Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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