I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
